The Freshman Fifteen: All-Nighter Survival

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1. Space out the caffeine intake.

-Three Red Bulls won’t make you three times as productive, but it will make you crash three times as hard.

 

2. Avoid Youtube.

-Sure you can take time out for one four-minute video. But then it becomes twenty videos, and then you’re in “that” part of Youtube. And then Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles will never be the same for you.

 

3. Don’t start Facebook chats.

-3 a.m. is not the time to reconnect to that one dude from your 10th grade English class.

 

4. Get a timer for your breaks.

-Undisciplined breaks can eat chunks of time; no breaks will kill your brain. Be smart and avoid this deadly “Damned if you do, damned if you don’t” dilemma.

 

5. Don’t take naps.

-You’ve made a commitment. Sleep is just what the weak use to dream.

 

6. Don’t get comfortable.

-Your bed and pajamas are cruel temptresses. Keep your boots on, soldier!

 

7. Only listen to music without lyrics.

-It’s impossible to not sing along past 2 a.m. You could write a whole paragraph in the time it takes to perform “Bohemian Rhapsody.”

 

8. Stand up.

-No, really. It’s easier to keep your body awake when it’s on its feet. That way you can also prevent your roommate from taking pictures of you drooling on your textbook.

 

9. Bring snacks.

-Trust us, you’ll get hungry. Try to avoid foods that taste good but hurt you later. (Lookin’ at you, Jack-In-The-Box)

 

10. Don’t crush up and snort the caffeine pills you can buy from Scotty’s.

-Just don’t.

 

11. Read how many percentage points the test or essay is worth on the syllabus.

-It will terrify, err, motivate you into putting in your best effort.

 

12. Write out your game plan in the beginning while your mind is still fresh.

-Your focus will go at 1 a.m. We guarantee it.

 

13. Get a bit of exercise.

-Get that blood flowing! Take a late-night jog! Fight off would-be assailants!

 

14. Don’t give up.

-It’s easy to deem your cause hopeless, but after taking such a plunge, you might as well just see it through.

 

15. Don’t do one in the first place.

-Study ahead of time. Go through with the sleepless nights with our advice purely as a last resort. Because the all-nighter is only half the battle. Slogging through the following day will be even worse.

 

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