Babies, cigarettes and Heat

A&E.madeon
Vincent Ta/HIGHLANDER

A beautiful March 1 — a prime day for what would certainly be a memorable night for all of Heat’s attendees. People were lined up for days, wearing sweaters in preparation for the weather. Childish Gambino, Ciara, Portugal. The Man, the Neighbourhood and Madeon — a little bit of everything for everyone. And yet, after so much hype and expectation that our Heat Music Festival was sure to deliver, nobody was prepared for what the night would bring: babies, arrests and an unfunny headliner.

Madeon, the 19-year-old French native and house musician, brought a few too many extracurricular items to his performance. The DJ had the crowd in a frenzy after he’d been jamming hard on his laptop for 20 minutes following an uproar of an introduction. Many people were seriously wondering how many hours of musical practice this young man could have possibly fit into his life at such a young age. The precise laptop scrolling, keyboard searching and timely clicks really brought to life the unique instrument that Madeon calls his 15-inch Macbook Pro. Unfortunately, the show would not go on for much longer as Madeon decided to pull out a pack of Marlboro NXTs right onstage halfway through his set and decided to light it up. As many of you know, the UC system has a strict no-butts policy on cigarettes, and Madeon was its first victim.

The crowd was outraged as soon as Madeon lit up, and demanded security to escort him offstage and as far away from campus as possible. Chants of “Hell no, we don’t smoke!” erupted from the crowd as they voiced their undying love of our UC policy. After the performance, I spoke with members of that crowd who all shared similar sentiments. “I mean like, we, like, all hate smoking in the UC system so like, get that out of my face,” said Alison Brie. Madeon is now facing a $50 fine and a possible 9001 hours of community service.

Before Madeon blatantly disrespected the Heat crowd, the night had been buzzing about what had occurred while Ciara was onstage. The talented performer was known to be in the late stages of her pregnancy, and it had been a running joke prior to the festival that she’d give birth onstage. “Wouldn’t it be crazy if she had her baby onstage?” said everyone.

Now, I’m not saying that everyone at UCR is psychic, but right in the middle of performing her huge hit “1, 2 Step,” Ciara gave instant birth to Nayvadius Prince Wilburn II. It at all went down a little something like this: “We about to get it on / Let me see you 1…” (baby) “2 step / I love it when you / 1, 2 step.” Just like the son of a performer would do, Nayvadius naturally stepped into his choreography and stayed onstage for the rest of the performance. Wow! He showed flashes of future brilliance on “Body Party” and busted out his practiced womb moves on “Goodies.”

The crowd was shocked, recalling dancing tax babies in the early days of the Windows ‘98 Internet. Nayvadius was truly the star of the night, and after the show we nabbed an exclusive interview with him. When asked about his future artistic endeavors, we got a burp before he dozed off to sleep. Concise and with a Kanye ego, be prepared for his return at Heat 2028.

Childish Gambino was the headlining act that UCR had been waiting for, and after years of demanding his presence, UCR’s prayers had been answered — sort of. As the last act of the night, Gambino took the stage to a rabid crowd as he walked up to the microphone and began to … tell jokes. Donald Glover, the rapper, actor and comedian, had decided to test out his newest set on the UCR crowd.

The crowd wasn’t having any airline peanut jokes that night as they shouted over Glover with chants of “Gambino, Gambino.” The crowd dispersed in anger 10 minutes into his set, but only after they’d hurled insults and bottles onstage to a seemingly bewildered Glover. It seems like the only storms of the night came from the crowd thundering away and the rain came in the form of insults on Glover’s performance. In his defense, Glover said he was never billed as a performing musician for the night, and he actually wanted to bring his Gambino persona into the comedy realm. Such high expectations, such low results.

Heat trudged on, filled with controversy and the excitement of life. Who knew that a running joke would become reality, and who knew that we would be seeing Donald Glover instead of Childish Gambino? There were solid performance by the other acts, but the night ultimately lent itself to outrageous occurrences. Gambino’s reputation certainly took a hit, Madeon will forever be hated by UCR and Ciara will continue to tour with her son, who just might outshine her mother. Oh baby, what a night!

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