Under the Kilt: What the Internet has taught me about dating

Vincent Ta/HIGHLANDER
Vincent Ta/HIGHLANDER

It’s no surprise that in this modern age, we turn to the internet for help. Sick? Enter your symptoms at WebMD! (Although I strongly advise against that, because after a few scrolls you may convince yourself that you’re going to die soon). Want to see what people think of that new restaurant you’re dying to try? Go look at Yelp reviews! Bored? Go on Buzzfeed, Tumblr, YouTube, Facebook…the possibilities are endless. Procrastination aside, sometimes you just want to know that there are people out there who are having the same problems that you are. In a way, the internet can be comforting.

 For the questions we are too embarrassed to ask our friends and family, or simply want to hear as many opinions as possible, many go to the almighty Google. Google has your possible questions already listed for you. It was Google I turned to when I realized that I wasn’t sure how my crush felt about me.

 I’m no beginner when it comes to crushes — I’ve had a lot. So I wouldn’t say that I’m clueless when it comes to the behavior of boys. But with this new guy it was just different. If he did like me, I needed confirmation so that I would give him a little more time before moving on. If he didn’t, well, what the heck was I doing wrong? If this new guy was to become my boyfriend, I would need to brush up on my technique and be able to interpret any signs he threw my way. In order to do this, I would need to do some research.

 Texting, otherwise known as the dreaded method of communication that forever tests your patience as you wait for a response from your future boo, is how we mainly talked. In regards to this crush, his texting habits seemed promising. He’d respond fairly quickly, laugh at my jokes and send smiley faces constantly. But then there would be days where he would take hours to respond, or worse, never respond. Sure, if he did this only once in a while it would be okay, but if this became a consistent thing — is it really just because he isn’t into me?

 Here’s what Eric Charles, in his “Ask a Guy” column, had to say on the subject: “The times in my life that I would go MIA on a text message would be: 1) If I wasn’t that into her. 2) If I was really busy with work. 3) If the girl was being needy. 4) If I honestly did not have my phone near me. 5) If I’m with another girl.”

We all know that actually responding to a text message shouldn’t take that long, because we have our phones on us the majority of the time. So were my texts the problem? Was I boring? Here’s Eric’s take on another question: “…if you want him to respond quickly to your texts and love texting you, then make the experience of texting you awesome.”

 As I mentioned before, I got him to laugh at my jokes, so he must have been enjoying himself. He wouldn’t send me smiley faces if he wasn’t feeling the conversation … or maybe he’s just nice. If he is just a nice guy, then how could I ever know the difference between him being nice or him liking me back? Samantha Glassford from forevertwentysomethings.com, gets right to the point, stating in all caps, “IF A GUY IS TRULY INTO YOU, AND HE THINKS YOU’RE INTO HIM, HE’S GOING TO TELL YOU THAT HE’S INTO YOU.”

 I certainly let him know I was into him. I mean, I did send some flirty texts. But wait, don’t they also say you are never supposed to let them know right away that you like them? As the woman, I should let him pursue me. This old-fashioned notion of women not taking the lead is something alive and well today and supported by many dating advice sites. Making someone pursue you is also known as “the chase” or “playing hard to get.”  Let it be noted that you shouldn’t associate these terms with manipulation or mind games — in reality, “the chase” is just a high-value woman letting her male pursuer know that he isn’t her only option and that he shouldn’t slack off in the wooing department.

 That hasn’t been my style. Don’t get me wrong, I would love for a guy I was interested in to take the initiative in the relationship, but I also hate waiting for things to happen (who doesn’t?).  Why is me being a go-getter a bad thing? As explained in Ronnie Ann Ryan’s post, the dating world is still not ready for strong, decisive, determined women, “Don’t interfere with the game because in fact, dating is still an ancient mating ritual that has not caught up to (women’s) relative business equality.”

 According to the wisdom of the internet, my forward personality is likely driving my love interests away. Maybe I really should just rein it back, and let my next crush come to me like the prince comes to the princess in those Disney movies I love.

 Nah.

 

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