Under the Kilt: The secret to happiness

Happy couple embracing and laughing on the beach
Happy couple embracing and laughing on the beach

The value of any human being can only be measured by the riches in his or her pockets or daily outfit. If you can’t sense a gold mine from the first step, please refrain from going the extra mile. You can be pretty and broke, but conversely also be extremely wealthy and ugly on the outside and inside.

When men first want to capture the eye of a crush, playing it cool is often best. And by cool, I mean Snoop Dogg circa ‘93 swag with a limp in your walk. Any girl who sees this walk of wonder will be silly putty in your arms. Once you talk to your crush you need to stare intently into their eyes. Make your eyes medieval daggers and impale all of those who have an emotional guard up. If you can’t see past their soul then what is the outer shell worth anyway? It’s all about judging by appearance because no one dresses how they want to feel. People dress how they truly feel. And if someone looks cool then they’ll surely have a lot of interesting things to say.

It’s no secret that men can be dogs sometimes. Others do a brilliant job at hiding their tails while some love scratching and drawing attention to themselves. For those who can’t hide the fact that they’re a dog, please be consistent from day one. And hopefully if she likes dogs well enough she’ll still have a solid place for you in her heart.

For ladies, the key to ensnaring a man in your love spell is quite simple. You know how they say scent is one of the strongest sensory cues? Well, those people don’t lie. If you smell good, it momentarily negates anything else, like how well makeup was done, how coordinated your ensemble is and if your hair is fully moisturized. Ladies, just make sure you always grab your perfume on the way out of the house because it’s a simple maneuver that can have wonderful lasting impressions. I can tell when ladies are classy women just by embracing their lovely scents. A good smelling lady is simply the cream of the crop.

Also ladies, please be aware that your face is a temple of sacredness that must be extremely polished at all times. Don’t spare the makeup because you think men are attracted to natural-looking women. Beat your face to the gods and chisel those features so you look like a Mona Lisa-Kylie Jenner hybrid. Contour that face and apply highlights as if you could only go to the club once and have the time of your life. Let yourself be seen by all haters and admirers alike. Even when the men and oppressive try to silence you, your face will speak volumes so you’ll never be silenced. It’s an all around win-win situation.

Appearance is key and the exterior of someone should be magnified more than we think. We always want to preach about people’s insides when all of the pleasure comes from the superficial things. The personality side just provides us comfort and security. Pay attention to a person’s clothes. Clothes define everything. Make sure that their heart is in the right place. You’ll know the size of someone’s heart by dividing their waistline in half and subtracting nine. The ultimate test of looks and personality.

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