Courtesy of UC Students for Donald Trump
Courtesy of UC Students for Donald Trump

First and foremost, the president of the University of California’s duty is to shape the vision — the mission statement —  for the university system by working with the UC Board of Regents and campus chancellors, while maintaining the high academic standards it is known for. In pursuit of this, the president must also manage several multimillion and multibillion-dollar undertakings.

When it comes to money and having a unique vision, there’s no better choice for the University of California president than business mogul Donald J. Trump.

With Trump among the final candidates for succeeding the departing president Janet Napolitano, there has been discussion about which of the candidates will be able to steer the UC system toward a brighter future — one perhaps laden with gold. Trump has already promised to “make the UC system great again,” (with hats) which seems to imply going back in time before Merced was made a UC campus.

However, there are some other readily apparent benefits to having Trump become UC president, which can hopefully bring administrators, faculty and students who are on the fence to throw their support and funds behind Trump.

Trump has business acumen, and has spearheaded several successful business ventures that made him a fortune, ranging from his own airlines to his own line of steaks. With this in mind, it is possible that campuses will finally embrace rising tuition costs as we move toward a profit-centric model for public education. The UCs have already tried following a non-profit, but this has led to a severe lack of resources and opportunities for our students. It’s time for a change of pace.

This change into becoming a for-profit university, however, can be mutually exclusive, as classroom discussions can be restructured into episodes of “The Apprentice” and opportunities for branding (considering Trump’s personality) are beyond counting. (Imagine Scotty with an orange tan and a cockatiel-inspired hairdo.) While there is the issue of loss of revenue from international and out-of-state tuition, assuming Trump follows through on his promise to make the UC system “for Californians only,” his own personal wealth and experience can guide us through these trying fiscal and academic times.

There is the issue of involvement and transparency, what with scandals becoming more commonplace among UC administration, from the pepper spray incident at UC Davis and the tenure of president Robert Dynes back in 2008. Yet, Trump is someone who speaks his mind, and will make strides in making the administration transparent in its dealings. He honestly doesn’t even seem to have a filter, and seems genuinely incapable of any underhandedness or subterfuge, which will be a welcome change. Furthermore, his willingness to speak in trying times, in person and on Twitter, will allow for him to be an impartial mediator on issues, which will allow him to weigh in and judge right from wrong during inter-campus turmoil (even when he’s not really needed).

There have been other issues plaguing UCs that the past president has been slow to address, such as the need for “safe spaces” and affordability of tuition, especially for working class students. There will be no need for safe spaces, since such spaces will be eliminated by Trump and his advocacy for intolerance, which has worked well him during the current presidential election.  

As for affordability, Trump does seem to have a multi-pronged plan to address the mounting burden of tuition costs. Firstly, he can round up and get rid of all the poor students who are abusing the financial aid system. The funds allocated to Pell Grants and Cal Grants can go somewhere else than the freeloading pockets of the lower class. (Despite these grants being state and federally funded — Trump will find a way.) Secondly, there are rumors that, following in his father’s footsteps, he will give the remaining students a “small loan of a million dollars.” Finally, the proposed “The Apprentice” tie-in should be used for students to earn credit for taking classes, paying rent and buying textbooks. This has the added benefit of updating our outdated A-to-F grading scale, with “You’re Fired!” replacing low marks on student assignments.

While support has been near-unanimous to make Trump UC president, there has been some disagreement as to how to best show solidarity at different UC campuses. With the recent removal of the “C” from the Box Springs mountains, there have been some students pushing for replacing it with a “T” or Trump’s mantra “Make the UC system great again.” Other student groups have proposed adding pro-Trump rhetoric to the solid-gold wall slated for construction around our campus to renaming the outdated Bell Tower to “Trump Tower.”

One consensus reached was the need for Trump to embrace his memes and image in his pursuit of the nomination. While Bernie Sanders may dominate the Twitterverse, retweeting Trump’s tweets, sharing Trump and UC memes and rallying for support on Instagram is the true grassroots support Trump needs to clinch the UC nomination.

The largest drawback to Trump becoming UC president is twofold, and there will be hard times ahead for students and campus organizations in the early months of his tenure. For one, none of the campuses or student bodies in the UC system have the class and gravitas necessary to do Trump proud. Green grass fields and brick libraries may have been acceptable under frumpy Napolitano, but we will have to make great strides in order to live up to the standards Trump will set and expect of us.

Gone will be the days of campus sweaters and sweatpants in the classroom. With Trump as head of the UC, we need to don the business suits, the gold watches and the spray-tan of the successful Trump student.

Sadly, Trump will have to abandon his U.S. presidential bid if he ends up being UC president.

What a shame.