UCR geneticists isolate fuccboi gene

fuccboi geneUCR genetics professors Ken Wasabi and Kevin Sanchez have discovered Gene-69 AYE, better known as the “fuccboi gene,” on March 25. According to their research, this gene is responsible for an increase in passive-aggressivity, unwanted sexual advances, a love for trap music and an inflated ego among American males.

The professors began their research in 2015, when the popularity of hoverboards began to rise. As these boards became more prominent across UCR, the professors wanted to discover if the people who rode them shared similar traits.

“I was curious as to why anybody thought that riding a hoverboard would make them look cool, instead of simply obnoxious,” Wasabi explained. “Then, I began to notice common traits in a lot of the riders; they were all obsessed with Stussy and loved to listen to music involving heavy bass.”

To test out their theory, the researchers sent out a survey to determine if hoverboard users shared similar characteristics. These questions ranged from “When was the last time you texted ‘you up?’ to someone,” to “On a scale from 1-10 how sick is Diplo.”(everyone answered 10)

“Our findings indicated that virtually all people with hoverboards hold fuccboi traits,” Sanchez explained. “Hoverboard riders are more likely to send out random texts for attention in the middle of the night and all claim that Diplo is their favorite producer.”

After taking numerous DNA samples from each of the survey volunteers, the researchers soon discovered Gene-69 AYE. After locating the gene, the professors developed plans to find remedies to combat the gene’s adverse effects.

“We found that certain activities, such as reading a good novel or watching a foreign film helped decrease some of the fuccboi traits that the gene causes,” Wasabi explained. “But there is still a lot of research that needs to be done to see how the fuccboi gene developed in the first place.”

Clothing lines Supreme, Rick Owens and Diamond Supply Co. and music producer Diplo have all been extremely critical of this research, claiming that the concept of being a “fuccboi” is entirely subjective.

“There is nothing fuccboish about my music,” Diplo stated.

Some students, however, are hoping that this research can help lead to a cure for the fuccboi gene’s effects. “Getting an unsolicited dick pic is gross,” third-year psychology major Sally Bowles stated. “Hopefully this research will stop fuccbois from sending them.”

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