“Freaky Friday” pandemic hits UCR

The spontaneous phenomenon coined “Freaky Friday,” hit the Inland Empire and the rest of the world on Friday, March 31, leaving researchers and professors baffled. Reminiscent of the 2003 film of the same name starring Lindsay Lohan, people have reported switching places, bodies and psyches. The first reports began rolling in on Friday evening, with one of the most significant changes thus far being the switch between Pope Francis and President Donald Trump. At time of writing there have been no reported cases of returns to normalcy.

Mass confusion and chaos began in the early morning, with people calling emergency services to report an intruder in their house and cats making barking noises. Due to the variety of cases reported, city officials have no idea how to respond to this phenomenon. The Highlander reached out to the office of the mayor of Riverside, and received a statement confessing that the mayor “has no idea what’s going on and wishes to be left alone. Seriously. Leave us alone.”

Researchers are just as flustered by the series of events that have occurred. Professor of Psychology at UC Riverside Dr. Bofa D. Nuts has found no evidence of this occurring in the past, “unless the film ‘Freaky Friday’ counts.” His only speculation is that contaminants in the air have caused people to hallucinate, but even Nuts admits that some things can not be explained. “I came into the office looking for my assistant Jeremy, but I found a seven-year-old claiming to be him. I thought someone was playing a joke, but this kid was just as confused as me,” Nuts explained.

Chancellor Kim Wilcox and former California Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger were also among those affected, with the two switching positions. Wilcox will fill the position of host of NBC’s television program “The Apprentice” and Schwarzenegger will serve as UCR chancellor. A mass email was sent to the student body and campus community explaining the “bizarre series of events” and offering some idea of the changes expected forthwith.

For students affected by this phenomenon, a sanctuary was created on campus to help them adjust to their new lives or bodies. Student Services announced that they will offer counseling, as well as beauty classes for men who wake up as women and vice versa.

Montel Williams, an undeclared third-year spoke about how he woke up in a girl’s body and his struggles to remember his new form. “I keep forgetting that I can’t pee while standing up, so yeah, it’s taking some getting used to,” he explained. Williams said he is going to continue to work with the counselors, but says not to expect him to catch on anytime soon because now he knows “how hard being a girl is.”

 

Facebook Comments