The gender divide: How to lure a potential crush

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Jimmy Lai/HIGHLANDER

Staff Writers Janine and Edward will be having a dialogue about embarking on a new relationship or person of interest, offering perspectives from a male and female point of view in an effort to see where any potential divides and similarities emerge. A vast amount of people are under the impression that the male and female approach to relationships is worlds apart. But in reality, the approaches are much more comparable than meets the eye.

 

In 2018 there are a load of ways to enchant someone you have a crush on. But what is the first thing that you tend to notice when checking out prospective crush?

Edward: Well I pay acute attention to things like body movement. Does she walk with sass? Is her posture on point? These are subtle cues that may seem minor, but many times they forecast how someone feels about their own image. When you walk with purpose, there’s a good chance that you have confidence.

Janine: I usually notice how they carry themselves. I believe there is a fine line between arrogance and confidence, and if they exude arrogance, I don’t find that attractive.

 

So now that there’s been a mental lock onto someone appealing, how do you go about making your first move? Should the male be the first one to capitalize on the attraction? Or is that ancient tenet a thing of the past?

Edward: Personally I believe that anyone can make the first move. I think it’s wrong to allocate too much responsibility to any respective gender. Whoever is feeling froggy should leap into action. But generally speaking, I like to treat first meetings like a game of chess. Your first move is crucial in deciding the outcome of the match. People place a lot of emphasis on first impressions and I can’t say that I blame whoever does so. But it’s always best to easily coast into an interaction by starting off with something of mutual interest. Luckily in college, we are all students who do a lot of the same things despite our different schedules.

Janine: In this day and age, I think anyone can make the first move. Finding a potential boyfriend or girlfriend requires a risk, even though it’s scary. Sometimes, you just have to go for it. I find it’s better to receive a “yes” or a “no” rather than wondering “what if.” Both women and men have to let go of the nervous feeling one gets when making the first move and push the fear of getting rejected aside. We just have to remember, your crush, no matter how cute or beautiful they may be, is still human and talking to them first won’t make the world implode.

 

Social media is a huge factor in the millenial world of dating. How could you use these platforms such as Facebook, Instagram and Snapchat effectively?

Edward: Social media is one of the easiest ways to finesse yourself into someone’s world. Sliding into someone’s messages with a meme or a funny joke has proven to be successful in many cases. However, it also serves as a crutch for others. Online messaging leaves a lot to be desired in the tone department. And many people get too reliant on communicating virtually which hinders the first interaction they might have in person. Social media is meticulously monitored to display the best parts of ourselves. So it’s best not to fall into a trap of romanticizing someone who is attentive with what they want the world to know.

Janine: I think social media is a great way of breaking the ice with a potential crush. Instead of just stalking your crush (yes, don’t say you don’t do that), actually comment on one of his pictures on Instagram or respond to a story on Snapchat. It’s minimal effort but gets your foot in the door.

 

Once your crush sees a sufficient amount of potential, it’s time to plan the first date. Do you go all out and plan a unique outing that is guaranteed to surprise your date? Or is it best to keep things as simple as possible so that you minimize any chance of coming off too strong?

Edward: Well, that’s kind of difficult to answer because a lot of people respect when someone goes beyond their means to orchestrate an original date. Even if you risk coming off strong, there’s some semblance of respect that is likely to be there because you actually tried to do something different. I think it’s cool to differentiate yourself from the pack during the first date. It’s something you’ll look back at in 20 years (assuming a relationship blooms from it) and you don’t want it to be a memory you have to cringe at.

Janine: I think it all depends on the person. Find out if they like to be surprised in an over-the-top way or if they’re okay with catching a movie and going out to dinner. If it’s a simple date, it doesn’t mean one didn’t put any effort into it. Location is only one aspect of the date. Conversation and bringing forth respectable manners are another part and are mostly the aspects that stand out the most.

 

Finally, what would you say to someone whose confidence is constantly wavering? Do you think it’s important to have it all together before you embark on a relationship?

Edward: Ideally, yes. People can notice really quick if you suffer from a lack of confidence. And while it’s completely normal to have off days, it’s important that you’re in a decent head space before trying to make a move on someone. If you feel the weight of the world closing in on you due to academics and other extracurriculars, adding a relationship to the equation won’t negate the stress you feel in those other areas. One of the leading killers of relationships is bad timing. Make sure that you are in a position where you’re absolutely certain you can spare time and effort on another human being. No one likes to be strung along.

Janine: Confidence is really important to have when going into a relationship. But remember, having confidence is not that easy. I believe having confidence requires a mindset that you must check up on everyday. A person can’t say, “I’m confident!” and be good for the rest of their lives. It takes work. Being in a relationship can help boost that confidence and keep it in check but don’t rely on your partner for it. It’ll only hurt the relationship and yourself in the end.

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