R’Perspective: A Swim to the C

Early one Saturday morning, I woke up and prepared for one of the most iconic activities available to a UCR student: a swim to the C. Every UCR student knows this swim is as...

UCR professor receives $5 million to hunt Moby Dick

UCR Professor of Cetology Captain Ahab has been awarded a $5 million grant by the Institute of Cetacean Research (ICR) based in Japan. The grant will be used to support the professor’s five-year voyage...

Students held at gunpoint, booty nearly stolen

Three students were held at gunpoint by two pirates at the mouth of the Colorado River at 11:30 p.m. on March 26. Out for a refreshing moonlit swim to the C, the students had...

ASUCR hands out free life vests

ASUCR voted last Wednesday to allocate more than $50,000 for free life vests for the student body to prevent drowning while navigating UCR’s waterlogged campus. UCR has seen 134 drownings in the past year, according...

UC president sticks with tuition hike, threatens to release Kraken

UC President Janet Napolitano announced she will stick by her plan to increase student tuition, and has threatened to release the Kraken to enforce her new policy. “This school system needs to know two essential...

Local billionaire announces plans to drain UCR, create libertarian utopia

Last Friday, billionaire and UCR alumnus Andrew Ryan announced plans to drain the campus and create a libertarian utopia, where state funding would be culled and UCR could exist as a “free market bubble...

Hydroelectric dam to replace university parking lot

University officials recently approved the construction of a 600-foot hydroelectric dam to contain the mouth of the majestic Colorado River that snakes through parts of UC Riverside. Monikered the “Great Wall of Scotty,” the...

CDC infested with flesh-eating piranhas

The Child Development Center (CDC) Building A was shut down last week due to a piranha infestation. University experts will work on clearing the infestation, and it should open in about six weeks or...

The Pinnacle of All Human Thought and Culture

With the local theater closed for bi-annual scuba tank maintenance, I felt the time was apt for a retro review of my personal favorite film, “The Room.” However, how does one review something as...

“Waterworld” made me cry

This is the greatest movie ever made. This movie will end global warming. If you don’t like it then you should feel bad. Rating: 5 stars